theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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