Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
