Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
