Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
