like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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