And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
