I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
