I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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