drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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