I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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