I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize