Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
After tacos, we're chasing women.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
