I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
