I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
