Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize