would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
