Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize