There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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