just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
