the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Can Purell be used as lube?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
