The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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