Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
