i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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