His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Come on in and take your pants off
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