He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
