I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Let the clothes fall where they may.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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