You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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