having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
