I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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