After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
