I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
