my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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