did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
