We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Is Oprah even human
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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