Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
