her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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