I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
