You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
There are leaves in my underwear?
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