I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
