his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
