I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
