i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
