I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Randomize
