I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
