You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
