My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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