I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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