he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
