You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
