You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
