Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
