i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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