We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
