He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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