At least make sure they are 18
Why
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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