Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm too high and old for this...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
