i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
