i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
