I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
