My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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