i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize