i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
