I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize