after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
