Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
