so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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