I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
