My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
