his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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